Oh that heralded question: “Would I be happier with someone else?” Maybe, but I doubt it. Here’s why. Forget not the benefits of the one your with my friend. That’s it in a nutshell. Why is that so important? Sure, perhaps you could have more physical intimacy, more laughs, more happiness with someone else, but for how long? And when will that relationship begin to look like the war ravaged one you have now?? Soon my friends. Too Soon.
Remember when you first started dating your husband or wife. Everyone is on their best behavior, your looking good, your passionate, your making every effort to impress. Then seven years later you find yourself irritated by every single thing your mate does! How does that happen?
Well, I don’t know. It seems though that I’ve taken my mind off of the dream a bit too much and have done a 360 and I’m looking too much at realities. I have a wonderful wife. No, I have a one in a million wife whom any guy would die for. Problem is, perhaps like you, I sometimes focus far too much on her negatives.
Another thing too, as a man, I have to be the one to initiate things, and I often forget that I cannot expect her to be the one to make the first moves when it comes to physical, spiritual, or financial matters. I have to be the first.
I share this article from my heart to those who are struggling in their marriage. Yesterday I told my wife I felt like two angels crossed my path. After a series of arguments yesterday I met a wonderful elderly couple who simply looked over at me and said: “You really have a good life, don’t you sir!”
I turned around and saw two pearly white smiles of a contented vacationing elderly couple. The man was wearing tan bermuda shorts, wire-rimmed glasses, and a big blue Hawaain shirt. The lady, his wife, simply smiled at me, a graceful lady with long flowing white hair. I replied, “Yes sir, I do.”
Believe me, you wouldn’t be happier with someone else no matter how pretty, how passionate, or how handsome. Why is that? After time you will simply revert back to all your old problems and issues. Sure, certain areas may improve, others may improve grandiously, but sure enough, your temper, your upbringing, and everything else will show it’s ugly face over time.
Unfortunately, I do speak from experience. I married twice in my life for the wrong reasons, one because I was in a hurry to get married, and the second, because of an solely physical relationship that lacked any substance at all. Finally, through prayer, and pre-marital counseling, I met the woman of my dreams.
Things are not perfect for me, and I’m sure many of you can relate to the feeling of: “Why do I put up with this?” The reason you put up with it is because you made a vow and you did it with your heart, not just your ever changing mind.
There are many times in marriages where the other person doesn’t give like they should. It’s up to you to be the giver, and hopefully your mate will come along over time. Marriage counseling may help, but ultimately you’re going to have to give your problems to God and be willing to change yourself.
A very good friend of my wife’s, let’s call her Kimmy, recently shared that she “put her husband’s stuff on the doorstep” after nearly twenty years of marriage. She was frustrated and fed up. Long story short, he cried profusely, something he had never done in front of her, and she took him back.
She then went on to say that she had never let her husband love her because she had all these walls up. Then she said: “I realized I’m the one that needs to change, not him.” I looked at my wife, had a deja vu, and thought-that’s my wife too! Kimmy then shared that for the first time she is starting to share her love with her husband even after eleven years and three children! Who can truly understand the heart of a woman?
Kimmy and her husband went to a couple at their church who counsels marriages, they call themselves marriage mentors, and they poured out their problems for hours to this experienced couple. Kimmy said she learned more about marriage in those three hours than she had in her entire eleven years of marriage.
I’ve heard many couples at my church state that they are getting success by enliciting help from other successful Christian couples. My advice is to seek out a couple in your church or friends that you can trust, to help you move through the tough times. Stamp and seal them your “mentors” and stick to their advice like crazy glue!
Also, keep one thing in mind, Kimmy said it and I’m saying it now. You are the one who needs to change. Not your mate. You. Who out there would divorce a giving, loving, passionate, and caring wife or husband? No one I dare say. Become an extreme lover of your wife and perhaps you’ll see as I have, that she’ll never let you go…